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PARENTING WITH AN ATTITUDE…..21 Questions Successful Parents Ask Themselves

“Thoughts and Ideas for good parents who want to be better parents” 

Most parents seem to always be looking for answers as to how they can be a better, more affective parent. But too often they are unable to find theanswers they are looking for, simply because they are not asking the right questions. Rather than some of the more common questions that many parents ask like, “Where have we gone wrong?”, “Why won’t Jason ever listen?”, “Why can’t my kids be as easy to raise as the neighbor’s kids?”, “Why do they always prefer being at someone else’s house than ours?”, and, “Why me?”, this book focuses on some of the more helpful questions that we parents must ask ourselves if we want to improve in our efforts. This process of asking the right questions will help fine tune your efforts and  attitudes, and by doing so, help insure that you will raise great kids who grow up to be adults who are not chronically angry, discouraged or defeated.

It has always been a principle of mine that if we want to see a change in the other person , it is a good idea to first look at ourselves to see what part we might be playing to actually perpetuate and reinforce the very behaviors or attitudes in them that we dislike and would like to change;  it stands to reason, then, that if we can “fine-tune” how we function in a relationship, it is likely that some of our desired changes just might come about in the other person.

 This principle applies also to us as parents-that as we fine tune our attitudes and actions in our efforts as parents, the result is likely to be growth in our kids and growth in our relationship with them as well.

So in keeping with this notion, PARENTING WITH AN ATTITUDE…..21 Questions Successful Parents Ask Themselves, is different than most other parenting books on the market today. What sets it apart is that its focus is primarily on OUR efforts as parents and what we can do differently, rather than on our kids and how we can somehow extract a change in them. As you consider 21 of the more important questions successful parents ask themselves, I would also suggest that you focus on the parenting style and approach with which you were raised. Often, a great deal can be learned about how we parent, by looking back at how we ourselves were parented.

To assist you in this self-evaluation, I have asked several questions at the end of each chapter that will help you assess how your current parenting efforts might be shaped and affected by how you yourself were parented.  In addition, several other questions are offered at the end of each chapter to help you and your spouse discuss, co-ordinate and fine tune your own parenting efforts.

21 Questions Successful Parents Ask Themselves:

  1. What do my kids hear me say about them? The expectations you have for your kids – along with what they hear you say about them – create a road map for developing a sense of who they are, and what they believe they have to offer as human beings.
  2. Do I respect my kids? Kids who are respected by their parents are more likely and willing to show respect toward others.
  3. Do I use guilt to get my kids to do what I want? If your efforts to shape, motivate, and influence your kids bring about desired behaviors, but at the same time create in them unhealthy patterns of guilt-motivated actions, then you have won the battle but lost the war.
  4. Do my guilty feelings affect how I parent? When your kids discover just how badly you want to avoid feeling guilty, you can be easily manipulated by them.
  5. Do I make some of the same mistakers with my kids that my parents made with me? In spite of your determination to avoid repeating the mistakes your parents made, you may still be influenced by them.
  6. Do I encourage my kids to be dependent on me in order for me to feel loved? Raising great kids who like themselves requires that you start from the beginning of their lives to give them a sense of independence and self-reliance.
  7. Do I excessively protect my kids? While you must be diligent in protecting your kids, you must also recognize when your need to protect them has gone beyond simply providing safety, to an attempt at creating absolute guarantees of safety.
  8. Am I appropriately available to my kids? Being physically present does not necessarily mean that you are available to your kids.
  9. Do I focus more on my kids’ positive or negative behaviors? As you focus on the positive attributes in your kids, many of their negative behaviors may begin to fade.
  10. Do I hold grudges? When you resort to holding grudges with your kids rather than forgiving them, it is usually an effort on your part to regain control that you feel you’ve lost.
  11. Am I able to say, “I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?” When you are willing to admit your faults and short comings, and to ask for forgiveness, you are modeling for your kids the importance of doing the same – not only in their relationship with you, but with others as well.
  12. Am I physical with my kids? Infants, kids, and adults alike, all have the need for attachment and healthy connection with others.
  13. Do I teach my kids that it is OK to laugh at themselves? Kids are more willing and able to laugh at themselves if they are self-confident and have self-respect.
  14. Do I teach my kids that it is OK to have their feelings regardless of what those feelings are? It is only by owning and acknowledging their feelings that kids are able to be healthy and in control of their emotions.
  15. Do I encourage my kids to help, even though when they do, the task may take longer and not turn out as well? It is important to encourage your kids to help, even though when they do, they may not at first be much help at all.
  16. Do my kids know they really matter? As important as it is that your kids believe you love them, it is just as important that they also know that they matter to you.
  17. Do I listen to my kids? Parents earn the right to be heard, by first listening to what their kids have to say.
  18. Do I give my kids as many choices in life as possible? When you constantly protect your kids from learning through their mistakes and the consequences that follow, you rob them of developing independence and self-reliance.
  19. When my kids disappoint me, do they have to earn back my love and approval? Our love and acceptance must never be used as a tool to get your kids to live up to your expectations of them.
  20. Do I establish appropriate guidelines in which my kids may freely and safely function? Parents must create a sense of safety, giving kids guidelines within which they may freely function.
  21. Do I keep in mind that it is normal for my kids to challenge my authority? Challenging your authority is necessary in the process of your kids growing and maturing from, “If you say so, it must be true,” to “wait a minute. What do I think?” Rebellion on the other hand, is not necessary and isn’t even inevitable.

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Parenting with an Attitude - Book Cover

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