20 Habits of a Healthy Marriage: Evaluation Form

 21 HABITS OF A HEALTHY MARRIAGE EVALUATION FORM  

 Back to: 21 Habits of a Healthy Marriage

Now that you’ve had a chance to look over some of the new habits that begin to kick in as marriages improve, you might be interested in using the relationship assessment form provided for you here.  It is fairly self-explanatory, so suffice it to say that this is a very subjective tool, there are no right or wrong answers, and it is not meant to be definitive but rather, a tool to encourage communication between you about these very important characteristics. Giving a score of 10 on the evaluation form below  means that you and your spouse do the preceding statement very well.

However, If defensiveness is a common part of your relationship (that is, you are not open to the others’ feedback), then you are probably not ready to share your assessment of each other.  Instead, I advise you to start with simply sharing where you see yourself fitting in on the scale and let the other assess for themselves where they see themselves falling. And, some of you may not even be ready for this level of vulnerability, in which case you may just want to work on this alone.

 

 

20 HABITS OF A HEALTHY MARRIAGE

#1 Ask yourself the question, “does it really matter?” before reacting.

ME                                                                       HIM/HER

1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__          1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__

#2  Avoid grudges by keeping short accounts with each other.

1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__          1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__

#3 Recognize and appreciate the personality differences between you and your spouse, rather than criticizing and seeing those differences as a threat.

1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__          1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__

#4 Be quick to laugh; especially be willing to laugh at yourself.

1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__          1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__

#5 Take the risk of being vulnerable with each other.

1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__          1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__

#6 Avoid competing for, “the good times”; be happy for the others’

    fame, fun, time off, successes, etc. and enjoy them vicariously.

1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__          1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__

#7 Consistently check out your assumptions before acting on them.

1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__          1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__

#8 Understand that when there is a conflict, there is no room for, “good guy,

bad guy” thinking;  strive to be on the same side working against the common problem.

1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__          1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__

#9 Avoid regrets by treating each other as if today were your last.

1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__          1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__

#10 Recognize the value and importance of saying, “I’m sorry, will you forgive me?”.

1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__          1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__

#11 Avoid holding a grudge by forgiving the other when they have wronged you.

1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__          1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__

#12  Be willing to work on any “baggage” you bring into your marriage.

1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__          1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__

#13 Consistently consider putting your spouses needs ahead of your own.

1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__          1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__

#14 Look for opportunities to brag just a bit to others about your spouse.

1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__          1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__

#15 Place a high priority on having fun together (“Are we still having fun?”).

1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__          1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__

#16 Make an effort to really hear the other, as opposed to just listening.

1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__          1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__

#17 Learn to switch from being the president to the vice-president, and from the vice-president to the president (submission).

1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__          1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__

#18 Reject the idea that in marriage, it is either control or be controlled.

1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__          1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__

#19 When arguing or disagreeing, make it a goal to solve the problem, rather than to win the battle.

1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__          1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__

#20 Appreciate the expected.

1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__          1__2__3__4__5__6__7__8__9__10__

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